It’s Official

It’s official! I am completely done with treatment. Let the CELEBRATIONS begin! I finished my last cycle of Chemo pills a few weeks ago and each day I’m gaining my energy back. This past year was nothing short of a miracle. Treatment worked completely as planned, even with all my doubts and fears and all the ‘what ifs’ that go along with cancer. You all are a big part of my recovery. Your support got me through.

I have been thinking so much about those whose treatment didn’t go as planned, whose treatment didn’t take, whose body no longer can fight. Why did I get to walk through my cancer road map and end up free of cancer? Don’t get me wrong…it was the hardest walk I have taken, even as I continue to walk this bumpy path.  But I just feel so lucky and so bad at the same time. I guess this is what they call survivor’s guilt. My heart goes out to all the families whose journey didn’t end the same as mine. There is never an easy way to say it. But, please know I have the greatest sympathy and pain for you. All the while praying for peace for you. 

 You really never know what is in store for you. What lies ahead ready and waiting for you to say yes and follow its path. Well, I am here and I am here to say yes to the opportunities that cross my path. There is a reason I am still here and I plan to live it. 

I remember when I was first diagnosed I couldn’t be alone. The minute it was quiet and I had time to think, I would cry. I couldn’t hold it together for my kids. My family would take turns being with me. Helping me get through the day…doing things that I once could handle.  I grew stronger. I grew calmer, letting the waves of information wash over me instead of drown me. These little things stick with me post cancer.  Little things that I have kept, little things that are a gift.  The little things: there are nights I lay with my boys and lay there extra long. I pray in my head and let those prayers flow over my boys imagining that they are getting some sort of osmosis with my prayers. I didn’t used to take the extra time to lay just a bit longer…now I do. I find myself completely engaged with others when they speak or are present in front me. I often find myself making a mental note of their face, their words, their expressions, so I never forget them, or so I can take it with me. I also find myself taking deep breaths and working through things that once used to bother me or get me upset.  Everything can be fixed in some way or another.  These little things are a gift.  A gift from having cancer.  Whomever thought I would say that?

So while cancer has brought me and so many others pain and sorrow. Know that it has also brought gifts. Gifts of time, appreciation, patience, and even peace. 

My Marigold is fighting and winning. Being done with treatment and acknowledging the gifts I have been given.