Uncategorized – Marigolds in Winter

BEEP

I hear this beep. Randomly throughout the day. I know it comes from a watch, but have no idea where that watch is. I think I get close to where the sound is but then….silence. It’s gone again. I forget about it and go about my busy life until the next moment when that beepContinue reading “BEEP”

This is how it left me….

We have done a lot of learning post covid about “big trauma” and “little trauma”. Little trauma, your toy broke, your car got dented, you failed a paper. Little trauma. Yes they add up and yes they suck and yes they deserve a good cry, a stiff drink, and a huge hug. We dwell, weContinue reading “This is how it left me….”

Little Red Wagon

I was pulling a little red wagon with my little curly blonde in it today. Following around, in front of, and zig zagging all around me were my other two. These boys… full of energy, excitement, and in constant motion. This is something that I have not felt in a long time. It has beenContinue reading “Little Red Wagon”

My Dad Saved Me

It’s been a while since I’ve written last. Marigolds have grown and marigolds have wilted away. And here we are still moving. I have had so much on my mind lately about grief, loss, heart ache. None of which are a conversation people know how to deal with, ask about, or even want to participateContinue reading “My Dad Saved Me”

I Am the Storm

Today was one of those days that you don’t plan to have be an emotional meltdown, but somehow you find yourself a hot mess. If you have been following my Marigolds you know this journey I have been on has been far from exciting, pleasant, or enjoyable, BUT I am really trying to keep myContinue reading “I Am the Storm”

To My Mom

Like everybody, some nights are great highs, some lows, and the rest are simply enjoyable. The kind that makes you feel peaceful, confident, and comfortable. Those are the good ones. Nothing can really shake you. No memory, no words, no drama can set you into an emotional spin, whether it is a high or aContinue reading “To My Mom”

I surrender

I poured myself a cup of coffee and added my dad’s creamer. That’s how little it has been since we lost him, he still has creamer in the fridge. Towards the end of his days he would love his squirrel mug filled with vanilla creamer and hot coffee. I had the luxury of pouring hisContinue reading “I surrender”

It’s Official

It’s official! I am completely done with treatment. Let the CELEBRATIONS begin! I finished my last cycle of Chemo pills a few weeks ago and each day I’m gaining my energy back. This past year was nothing short of a miracle. Treatment worked completely as planned, even with all my doubts and fears and allContinue reading “It’s Official”

Looking Back and Moving Forward

The other day I gave my son my old planner to play with. He enjoys flipping through the tabs and writing things in the empty boxes. I sat there with him for a while as he flipped to November of 2019. Sure enough, written on November 27th was BIOPSY. The memories came flooding back in.Continue reading “Looking Back and Moving Forward”

It’s Been a Year

It has been a year to date since I found out I had Stage 3C breast cancer. The day I went in to get my biopsy I was confident it was nothing. I remember sending my sister a picture of me on the hospital bed making a silly face (see below). I was convinced thisContinue reading “It’s Been a Year”