I remember being very small and looking out at my Grandma’s garden. She had a long border of marigolds surrounding her other plants. They were so bright and cheerful. They gave me a sense of peace and happiness. As I started this journey with breast cancer, I found it very difficult to function; I didn’t know if I would ever smile again or if there would be a day that I would wake up and not think “I have cancer”. The heartbreak and fear was unbearable. However, I soon began to feel the prayer and support surround me as my sorrow became strength and power. I was not going to let cancer ruin my day, ruin my time with my children, and take my joy. I would smile again.
Through this dark time I had this beautiful image of my grandma’s marigolds. Perhaps an image she sent me to remind me it was all going to be ok. I immediately smiled with peace and I thought to myself, I need to start seeing the marigolds, even in winter. So, here I am trying to find the positive, the light at the end of the tunnel, the marigold each day.
I don’t pretend to be a writer, but I do intend to update you as my family and I walk together through this illness. The millions of things that go in and out of my head each day need to find their way to the surface.
Please pray for us. We are, and will, get through this, but we need all the strength and support possible.
How this Journey Began
Many of you have questions as to when, how, and where we found out that I had stage 3 breast cancer. All the questions that would help you to process the news the same way we needed to.
It was just 6 weeks after my sweet angel baby Edwin was born. (I call him this because without him, I would not have found the lump that changed our lives forever.) I was breastfeeding Edwin, enjoying my maternity leave, and noticed a lump. While I was confident it was a clogged duct or something to do with breastfeeding, I made sure to notify my doctor at my 6 week post baby visit. I had had genetic testing done 5 years ago and knew that I had the Brca2 gene. Because of this, my doctor was extra cautious and sent me in to get a biopsy the following week. Still feeling no concern, we celebrated Thanksgiving, put up our Christmas tree, and spent time with family.
A few days later I got the call no one was expecting. It happened just like in the movies. My doctor asked me to sit down and if I had time to talk. After that, I heard very little. I was in shock. So scared.
From there, the whirlwind began. We were hoping for good news each time we talked to a doctor but it seemed like it never came …”It’s stage 3, it’s in your lymph nodes, it’s aggressive,” and on and on. I began to lose faith. We were quickly set up with appointments after appointments, leaving very little time to process. While I usually can find the positive in things, I found myself feeling deeper in a hole I couldn’t get out of.
It wasn’t until about 2 weeks later that I felt the weight lift off my chest. I woke up and saw my children and smiled. I began to feel God walking along side of me, reminding me that is was going to be ok. I could see the marigolds again. The prayers and support had reached my family and we began to breathe.
So now, I am fighting cancer, everyday, because cancer picked the wrong mama bear to mess with! I go to Chemo every Friday for the next 5 months. I have side effects and they are awful, but on the days I feel good, I am doing things and enjoying my family and friends. This is my new normal. My beautiful cousin who went through this before me told me to stick to my road map. My road map is 5 months of chemo, surgery, and then some more chemo or radiation. Yes, there are going to be detours. Yes, there will be forks in the road, but hopefully, there will be some alternate routes too! The ones with the best views. The marigold in this, is that I have my husband, kids, family, and friends driving along side of me. And I do love a good old fashion road trip.
Please look for my updates as we continue down this road. I will do my best to update you on progress. Thank you for your support and prayers.
Marigolds in Winter 
Emily we think about you and your family each and every day, sending all the positive thoughts we can. Thank you for sharing and keeping g us updated! Sending all our love!!!
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Thank you for sharing. Your uncle Dan & I pray for you every evening after supper. We send love to you and your family also. Which I grandma?
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Grandma Bernice 🙂
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This is beautiful Emily! Stay positive and fight 🙂
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Beautiful Em just like you! Thanks for sharing and Yes it picked the wrong mama bear! Routing for you!!
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Beautiful (like you) words, hopeful (like your village) message and so very true (like God’s strength). Marigolds in the winter is the perfect vision to bring smiles to help lighten the load! Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family each and every step of this journey. Much love ❤️
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Emily – I think you are a writer (why doesn’t that surprise me :). Even though I’ve heard your story before, It’s good to hear them in your own words. And it’s really great to know that you’re ready to fight back. I wouldn’t dare mess with you. Love you (you already know that). Kate
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So good to read your amazing and strong message, Emily; and to know that you are fighting this like the warrior you are while recognizing and acknowledging all the feelings, fears and hope this journey brings. I think and send prayers every day for you and your sweet family. You, and your family, are loved fiercely by so many. May this bring you some peace and comfort on your not so great days; and also on those days when you can celebrate those beautiful marigolds in winter! Much love.
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Beautiful words. I’ve been there too. It’s scary and an out of body experience. Shock is how it’s for me! Family and friends will help so much! Now I look at it as a bump in life and I just keep on driving. Prayers coming your way every day!
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Thanks for sharing, praying daily!
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Emily, you are definitely mighty and brave! Thank you for allowing us to follow your journey. I have no doubt you will kick cancers butt! I am praying and my mom and her amazing friends have a prayer chain going for you and your family. So happy you are starting a blog for us all to hear from you!
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Emily, this was beautiful. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong. ❤️
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Emily, Yes, you are a writer. You have beautifully described an overwhelming situation through your faith, love and tremendous strength. My heart felt prayers go out to you and your precious family. You are tiny but mighty. Keep up the fight mamma bear!
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Dear Emily:: I know of you only thru my daughter telling me about you!! I feel as though I have just met an angel!! Even tho I will never understand totally why God let’s bad things happen to good people, I’m sure that you are touching many hearts with your story and precious faith! Prayers will be abundant and I’m asking God to send angels to walk beside you!! Claudia
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Hey Emily,
Know…that our thoughts & prayers are with you every day. You got this!!!🙏💗☮️ Love & Prayers,
The Thurin Family
Aka: Your big sister’s kooky neighbors😘
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Thank you for sharing your journey, Emily. Praying for all of you.
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Emily your faith and kindness as a person will get you through your journey- My the good Lord bless and keep you. I look forward to reading your blogs and supporting you through prayers.
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I am holding you all in my prayers your faith and positive attitude Is so inspiring. Hugs to all.
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Thank you for sharing. It’s amazing how words can have so much feeling. I am here for you and I love you. 💕❤️😘
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I am in awe so your strength! You are absolutely are the wrong mama bear!💗
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Praying for you Emily
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Your St.Jude Family is praying for you!
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You got this girl, give those little and big boys lots of hugs and kisses. Show them what strong looks like!
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Your support system is here for you. I also was diagnosed with cancer and understand the process. Keep those warm fuzzy thoughts going and take each day one step at a time. For me thinking ahead for only a few minutes got me through it. “It won’t feel like this in an hour.” or “I just have to get through the next few minutes” were my mantras. Find what works for you, Em! You are in all our thoughts and prayers.
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It’s Friday, so it’s chemo day. Thinking of you. Saying prayers for your mind and heart. Wishing for sweet, loving hugs those boys will give you. Hoping their little smiling faces will help with this day. I’m guessing the weekend is going to be tough. We are praying for you. Walking beside you in prayer, sending you courage and strength to KEEP GOING. Love and hugs.
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Emily,
This was a beautifully written message and marigolds have always been my favorite because they are the strongest flower in the garden. Sending prayers your way, and we’re all rooting for you mama bear! ❤️
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Love you mama bear!
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Your words are beautiful and strong. I hope you can see the strength you have already gained. I can. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I think of you and your family and your medical team every day. I can imagine a yard filled with marigolds this spring and summer that will remind you of the beauty and strength you bring to this world. With much love,
Julie K.
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Emily, you are a beautiful and amazing person! We are praying for you! With love, Laura, Patrick and Eugene
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Emily- thank you for sharing your beautiful words! You are in my thoughts and prayers each day. I love the image of Grandma Bernice’s marigolds.
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