Days of Chemo

I was told the hardest chemo session is the first one. The unknown, the fear, the overwhelming thoughts of will it work, what will it do to my body, how will I get through this?  Knowing that the only thing that will make me better is also the only thing that will make me sick. And even worse, losing my hair! I love my hair! Well, the first chemo session was just that. The hardest.

I was all ready for my first session with my rosary, my Mary and St. Agatha necklace, everything to get me through this day.  Joe and I were together. We were sitting in our own private room, probably because I couldn’t stop crying and they didn’t want me to bring the spirits down of the other patients. In any case, there we were, ready to start fighting this cancer out of my body. They first flushed me with benadryl and other meds to get me ready and then it was time to start the chemo. They came in asked my date of birth and last name, it is all very official, then they hooked the chemo bag up to my port.  I remember holding Joe’s hand and saying “here we go.” Immediately following that I said to the nurse, “Wait I have really bad heartburn.” She looked at me and rushed over. I said, “Something is wrong, I am seeing spots, I can’t breathe,” and just like that I was having an allergic reaction to the one medicine that could save me. 

My nurse was amazing, pumping my IV with Benadryl and trying to keep me from closing my eyes by asking me to tell her my children’s names.  I remember looking at Joe and mouthing “I can’t breathe.” He just looked at me, with concerned eyes and mouthed back, “You’re going to be okay.”  This is when I knew this journey that I was on, he was on right along side of me, and it was going to be equally hard. 

Once the Benadryl kicked in, I was fine. It was extremely scary but I was in good hands. The next steps for treatment were going to be a bit more intense so that I wouldn’t have the allergic reaction. The next two treatments were spread out. What should have been a 2 hour infusion was now an 8 hour infusion. They were desensitizing my body. Along with that, I take 5 steroid pills 12 hours before treatment and then another 5, six hours before treatment. This seemed to be the ticket. Both sessions went smoothly and my body excepted the chemo.

My 3rd session was cancelled due to a low white blood cell count, but thanks to prayer and rest, this past Friday was a huge success. They shortened my time to about 5 hours instead of 8 and my body responded well!  Now, I just need to keep these white blood cells up and I will stay on track. 

The marigold in all of this is Joe. He is strong when I am weak, confident when I start to doubt, and steady when I am shaky.  Eight years ago we said our vows, in sickness and in health, we just didn’t think we would be honoring these vows so early on in our marriage. It is truly amazing how close and inseparable you become when you get a glimpse of not having a lifetime together. Your outlook changes. Little things that may have bothered you, don’t matter anymore. What matters is the seconds you have with each other. We could get mad and say this isn’t fair, but instead we are going to keep going and keep seeing those marigolds.  I know that Joe and I will still have a lifetime together. I also know, that after all of this, we will be stronger than ever as a family. That gives me that extra push to keep going.