A Little Bump in the Road

Growing up I was always a mama’s girl. I loved being home and hated being away from my parents. I would be lonesome at every sleepover and my “Sunday Blues” before going back to school were the worst. Being home with my family was my comfort zone.  It still is. I find myself not wanting to be away from family since all of this has happened. It’s where I know I am safe and where I find myself forgetting for just one moment that I have cancer. 

Last week my chemo session went really well. They shortened up my time a little bit more (about 4 hours now) and I had no reaction.  I am, however, beginning to enjoy my time at chemo. I don’t need them to shorten it too much more! I mean, I have no guilt leaving my kids on chemo days because I HAVE to be there! The nurses are so comforting bringing me warm blankets and tea! It is like a spa day compared to being home with my 3 little bears!  At least, this is what I have convinced myself to think. The best part is I have had some wonderful visitors during my chemo sessions. So many friends and family that is hard to think of anything else but happy times. 

Yesterday’s session however, was not as good. I went in pumped and ready to start the process all over again. I had my 3 close friends with me cheering me on and then I found out my white blood cell count was too low. They could not continue on with the infusion. No chemo drugs again. I felt defeated. While the doctors tell me it is common, it makes me that much further from the finish line. Further from winning this race. Like I said, I felt defeated. The good news is I have so many people running with me and waiting for me at the finish line.

At a few of my sessions, I have had my mom and my dad with me. This is the perfect combination, because as you now know, I am a mama and daddy’s girl. Some things never change. When I am spending time with my parents, I don’t need to worry. They take care of me.  It doesn’t matter how old I am, I am still their baby. They are running along side of me.

I have found throughout this time of knowing I have cancer, I have relied on my parents stability and love so much. They have been pillars of strength for not only me, but my children and husband. The best part is that I get to spend even more time with them. Our conversations are deeper than they ever have been. And, when we finally find something to laugh about, it is a deeper than ever laughter. While the hurt and fear of cancer is palpable, it is easy for me to see that my parents are marigolds in this time. The gift of conversation, prayer, tears, and laughter are some things that I feel so blessed to have been given throughout all of this.  Even though it comes with so much heartbreak, I am flooded with emotion when I think about how I couldn’t get through this time without them. They too are my safe place, my comfort, my calm. They are my mom and dad. The first people who held me and took care of me. Here we are, 37 years later and they are still doing just that, holding me and taking care of me. Thank you Mom and Dad for being with me every step of the way. I love you.