Peace and Quiet

I want to start off today by thanking everyone who has been praying for me and for my white blood cell count to stay up! Last week was another successful treatment. Tomorrow, as long as my white blood cell count is up, will mark my last day with this chemo cocktail. Starting next week, I will be starting a new chemo drug. They have an awful “street” name for it, so anyone who has undergone this type of chemo will remember this name. They call it the red devil.  It is very strong and will wipe out my immune system. The side effects are a bit stronger too. Fatigue and nausea will remain the same, but perhaps longer, and I may also experience mouth sores, changes in taste and texture of food, hair loss, and the oddest one of all, it will make my tears and urine red.  I will receive this treatment every other week for the next two months. A total of 4 sessions. It is going to take all my strength, my positive thinking, and prayers to get me through this. But I know I can. After all I may be tiny, but I am mighty.

Knowing that this change is coming has brought me great anxiety. It feels like the first time I started chemo. The unknown is overwhelming. Between this and that darn coronavirus, I have just about driven my husband and family nuts with my worry. I feel like fighting each day is hard enough, now add on the coronavirus! Needless to say, I am trying to find peaceful moments to keep calm, recenter, and breathe. 

I found one of these calm moments late last night. Unfortunately, my sweet baby has a cold. The bad news, he is up every half hour, the good news, I get a bit more face time with him during the night. Last night was particularly hard for him to get good sleep. However, because of his lack of sleep I had the most peaceful moment. Edwin was fussing in my arms and I was rocking him back and forth. It was dark, a bit chilly, and quiet, finally.  As I was rocking him, he looked up at me with his round little face and gave me the softest smile. I put my hand on his cheek and whispered I love you. Just like that while my hand was cupping his cheek, he closed his eyes. I snuggled him for an extra long time, knowing that this time goes so fast. It was quiet, it was peaceful, it was calm.   

My Marigold this week is the quiet time. The time when there is no talking, no worries, no noise. Just peace and quiet. The world is so loud these days. Finding the little moments where we can process what really is important and what we are truly thankful for is rare. So, when you find these times, use them. Sit quietly, pray, meditate, process.  For just that quiet moment can you really find peace, answers, humbleness. It’s all right there waiting for us. We just need to be still and listen.