My Goslings

This past week my family got up to the North Shore. We celebrated all of the fine things in life with my in-laws. Each day felt like a little gift. It was peaceful, joyful, and so needed. When you spend your days praying that today is the day you are cured, your brain, and your soul, need a break and that is exactly what we as a family got. I found myself watching a flock of geese one day. A mother goose along with all her goslings following her swam to shore. The goslings waited in the water while she scanned the shoreline. I can only assume this was to make sure it was safe for her babies to enter. She then entered the water again and the goslings waddled on to shore. The mother stayed watch like no other creature I had seen. She was ready to charge anyone that came too close to her young. And believe me, I have been a victim of the goose charge and it is not pleasant! It made me think, why do I call myself a mama bear, when clearly I am mother goose!  I will charge, peck, and chase anyone who is going to harm my young. 

My goslings have been resilient through this challenging time in my life. They have seen their mom in bed for days, lose her hair, and have such little energy she has to say, “not today.” They are strong boys, and they are ready for future hardship, and they don’t even know it. Our family’s next hardship is starting this week. Radiation, 5 days a week for 5 weeks. My first session will be on Friday. This past week I had a CT done and little tattoo dots on my body for precise measurements with the lasers. At this point, if I got through chemo, I know I can do anything. The quicker I get to radiation, the quicker I’ll be done and be able to just be a mother goose. 

I would be remiss if I didn’t use this blog as a written letter to my children for all their strength. This is a chance for me to be able to write to them, so they can always hold on to my words and thoughts. But, it is also something for me to look back on and remember this challenging journey. And yes, I will look back. I will someday read these entries and remind myself I can do anything. Until then, this is for my goslings…

To Arland:

You are the oldest, so strong and so aware of all your mama is going through. I want to thank you for being sensitive, resilient, and kind. This year you started kindergarten, became a big brother again, and watched your mom go to medicine days, week after week. I know it was hard on you, but I couldn’t be prouder of you. You made friends, helped around the house, played and loved your siblings, and continued to be 6 years old! I love watching you use your creativity and imagination. You impress me every day. I love you my first baby bird. You are amazing and will do amazing things.

To Amos:

My sweet middle child. You have been by my side snuggling me when I needed it the most. I am blessed to feel your arms around me day after day. You have been so strong and determined during this challenging time. Trying never to show your fear, but always letting me know how you feel. You are confident, strong willed, and so lovable. I love watching you grow into a big boy. You too impress me every day. You will accomplish so much as you grow! I can’t wait to watch you fly. I love you 2nd baby bird.

To Edwin:

You are a ray of sunshine on the cloudiest of days. My heart was complete when you came into this world. Just in the nick of time before I couldn’t have you any more. You were meant to complete our family. You are the definition of joy with the biggest smile and gentlest demeanor. You give me strength with your kind face and snuggles. God knew my heart needed you. I can’t wait to watch you grow into a tiny human. I love you baby bird #3.

My Marigold is easy to tell this week. These 3 children of mine are truly gifts from God, giving me the mindset to fight harder and longer. I was made to be their mother, and that I will always be.