He Sees my Beauty

Joe sees the beauty in me even when I don’t. Since all of this has begun I have been poked, cut, lasered, and put back together again. I look at my body and it seems a bit unrecognizable. How can things change so quickly in just one year? Who am I? I do not look the same, or even act the same. Instead, I am stronger, more faithful, and more present than I ever have been.  

My hair is starting to grow back and I have a pixie cut of sorts. Being that I have naturally curly hair, there are wings flipping up here and there. It is a look I can’t seem to get comfortable with; another unrecognizable part of me. But my husband, he looks at me with a genuine smile and tells me on the regular how beautiful I am and how much he likes it. He swears he is telling the truth, but I have to wonder at times. It feels good to have him appreciate me with all my imperfections (even more than before). It is a bit cliche but these scars are truly battle wounds in this fight. 

All of these imperfections got me through the next step of my cancer journey. This past Friday, I completed 25 rounds of radiation. This too has changed my 37 year old body.  My skin is left to burn, blister, and throb, but I know it will be over soon. It was so daunting before I had begun radiation. I didn’t know how I would get there every day, five days a week. But in all honesty, it went very smooth and rather quickly. Now we wait and pray that radiation has zapped all remaining cancer cells that could exist. 

On to the next step….the chemo pill. I had previously mentioned in my last blog that I was going back to work. Since then, I have had a few conversations with my doctor, and we have decided it is best for me to stay home until January. The chemo pill suppresses my immune system which makes the risk too high of being exposed to all the infectious diseases out there, Covid being the most scary. I am disappointed. I was hoping to start my life again, however, I know this is the right thing to do. Heck, it gives me more time with my sweet Edwin. By January I can start work because my white blood cells should be up and running again…march on little white soldiers!  So, I will wait a bit longer, stay healthier, and stay here for the ones I love.

I have two marigolds today. Joe has been and will always be my marigold. He stands strong next me and illuminates me with his kindness. The second is the completion of Radiation. It feels so good to have that behind me. I am almost there…the finish line is getting closer. 

Joe wanted to capture some candid photos of me during my cancer journey. Here are two….Scars, burns, short hair, me. He sees the beauty in me, even when I don’t.