It’s Been a Year

It has been a year to date since I found out I had Stage 3C breast cancer. The day I went in to get my biopsy I was confident it was nothing. I remember sending my sister a picture of me on the hospital bed making a silly face (see below). I was convinced this was just going to be a routine biopsy and the news would come that all was ok. The days after the biopsy went slowly as I waited for the call… rushing to my phone every time it rang.

There are certain memories engraved in my head now as I recall this day. I remember it was the Monday after Thanksgiving. I still hadn’t heard the results of my biopsy and was patiently waiting. At this time, I still felt confident it was all going to be ok. As I was waiting that morning, keeping busy with my new baby, my dad showed up at the house. I wasn’t expecting him, but I knew he came up to be here for the results. He waited awhile, knowing that I shouldn’t be alone when the call came in. He is always there to take care of me.  The call didn’t come.  So we waited some more.

Finally, after I had both of my boys down for their nap, my doctor called. There it was, the news that shook my soul and the souls of my family. I was heartbroken. 

From that day forward I was nothing short of depressed, I remember sitting on my steps crying on the phone to my mom that I was so scared and that I didn’t want to die. I have never been so scared. Her voice on the other line simply and fearfully said, “You are NOT going to die.” She assured me I wouldn’t, but really neither of us knew the outcome of this road that I was about to embark on.  

For the next few days after that, my family took turns being with me. I couldn’t be alone; I couldn’t stop crying. And I was trying really hard not to show my three sweet boys that anything was wrong. I HAD TO BE STRONG, even though I had never felt so weak. I would describe the feeling like being in a deep dark hole and even though I was too weak, the only way out was to climb out. I had to go through treatments. It was the only way out. 

After the tears and shock of the news, I started growing stronger. I have said it before and I will say it again, your prayers had finally reached me, like a wave over my body. Now it was time to fight, be strong, and stay positive. We called around finding the best doctors and referrals, making sure to get the best care. Then it was time to start the journey.

It’s been a year, and while my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes have grown back, my body and soul look different. I have experienced suffering, I have felt complete struggle, but most importantly, I have experienced true hope and true love.  A year ago I was afraid of being a tragic love story, but now I am cancer free and ready to take back my life. I still have a little way to go, two more surgeries and finish the chemo pill. But I can see the finish line. Most importantly I have a healthy body. Free of cancer and free of fear. 

My marigold is simple, I made it through this year. I did it! I am so thankful to have had extra time with family, friends, and my sweet baby. I am so thankful to have had another year with the ones I love. From here on out, I will embrace what comes my way. Say yes doing things that make me happy, to sit back to observe, and to embrace the moments in front of me. My journey has given me so much insight on life. I hope to always keep that insight and to spread the positivity.