Looking Back and Moving Forward

The other day I gave my son my old planner to play with. He enjoys flipping through the tabs and writing things in the empty boxes. I sat there with him for a while as he flipped to November of 2019. Sure enough, written on November 27th was BIOPSY. The memories came flooding back in. He then flipped to January of 2020 and on each Friday had my chemo time and who was coming with to visit as I sat there for hours. That was definitely one perk; I got to see some of my favorite people every week. Not the visit I would have planned, but nonetheless, time with those I love.  It’s a hard thing to move past…cancer. You never fully allow it to leave your mind in fear that if you forget about it for one second it will rear its ugly head again. So, I don’t, I can’t. It is now a part of me. 

As we wrap up the Christmas season, I can’t help but think about how this grand holiday is all because of this sweet baby boy that comes to our world. That led me to think of his mother Mary. To her, Jesus was her baby, her sweet child whom she had been waiting for. Waiting to feed, cuddle, and sooth when he was crying. He was just her baby. I began to feel for her when thinking about how she knew the world was waiting for him. That he, to her, was her infant but to the world, a king. She knew he would have to leave her side and sacrifice himself for the greater good. The pain that mother must have felt is unbearable. One moment rejoicing in the gift of a baby, the next fearing what he was about to undergo. 

As I reflected on Mary as a mother, I couldn’t help but think, this is how my own mom felt when she heard the news that her baby had stage 3 breast cancer. To her, I was her baby and she knew the pain I was about to endure. I am so blessed that throughout this past year, she stayed strong for me. She comforted me, held me, supported me, and loved me. She was/is my cheerleader. I couldn’t have asked for a greater mom.

I am almost done with my treatment! The chemo pill has been very manageable and I am just moving through the cycles. I have 2 weeks left and then I am done with treatment. From there I will have a hysterectomy surgery, this is due to the Brca II gene. It can cause ovarian cancer too. Since I am susceptible to that cancer, we are doing preventive surgery. I will also have one more minor surgery to fix some changes from my double mastectomy. Soon, I can put all this behind me. 

Once my chemo pill is complete, they will move me to what they call surveillance appointments. Because the truth is, while I am cancer free now, there is still a percentage of recurrence. So, they are keeping a close eye on me. Another change is that I am also going back to work mid January! I am looking forward to starting my life up again, however as you can imagine, I am sad to leave my own baby! It has been quite a year for our whole family and being together just feels so right. 

I am still seeing the marigolds and I hope you are finding some too. My marigold this week is my mom. She has been through so much with my family and through it all she remains strong, loving, and so very present in our lives. I am so thankful for her and all the extra time I have had with her this year. Keep seeing the marigolds. It’s a new year full of new possibilities. And NOTHING is impossible.