My Dad Saved Me

It’s been a while since I’ve written last. Marigolds have grown and marigolds have wilted away. And here we are still moving. I have had so much on my mind lately about grief, loss, heart ache. None of which are a conversation people know how to deal with, ask about, or even want to participate in. Those things however, are things we need to talk about the most. Or at least just have someone listen. So, I guess here I am talking and you are listening. 

It’s been just over a year since my dad died. I hate saying that word..died. It’s good for me to say it out loud.I replay moments with him, past memories, holding his hand, the last few hours. These memories roll in my head like an old film projector.  Click and a new memory appears, and as real as it was the moment it happened. The film never runs out.  Every single day I thank him for being my dad and giving me so much love and life. Every single day I miss him and have to remind myself he is gone. How can it still feel so foreign after a year? I suppose it always will.  I have known him my whole entire life. There really isn’t much that can console you when you have had someone in your life that saved you in so many ways. My dad has done just that.  He saved me from feeling bad for myself when I was young and didn’t fit in with friend groups. He saved me from conforming into peer pressure and instead encouraged me to be unique and different. He saved me too many times from running out of gas and other car problems. 😉 He saved me from having too much fun out with friends. He saved me by instilling faith, love, hope, and kindness into me. That man has saved me. 

Since my dad has been gone, he continues to save me. He told me he was taking the cancer with him when he passed and that I wouldn’t have to worry about it again. While at the time I smiled at him and said you don’t need to do that. He said, “yes I do.”…. He saved me.

It was about 4 months after my dad had passed that I had my routine oncology visit. I went in, did the blood work, had an exam etc. All was fine. Before I left this time however, my oncologist said to me there is a brand new drug out that was just passed to begin to break down the Brca2 Gene. This would allow prevention for my cancer to come back in the future. I say my cancer because it was so specific. It was for women who had triple negative breast cancer (Check), who had the Brca gene ( check), and who were two years or less out of treatment ( check)! Wow, how could this be so specific to what I needed?…Something that could give me extra insurance that I would stay around for a long time for my sweet babies?  How you ask? One word…DAD. He told me he was going to take the cancer and once again, just like that, he saved me. 

So, what does this mean? I have been on this chemo pill (Lynparza) since last May. I will be on it for an entire year. I’m on the home stretch! I go in monthly for blood work and all looks good. Mild side effects just like a normal chemo pill would give, but I have a different mind set. I know this one is breaking down that gene giving it a more difficult time to recreate cancer in me. Man, my dad is good. He is always taking care of me. Even when I can’t see him, I know he is here.

I am excited to write about this new pill. Please spread the word since it’s so new. If you know of other women who have the Brca mutation or who have had breast cancer, encourage them to advocate for themselves and ask about it! It’s new and not everyone is talking about it yet! Let’s start talking and start saving lives!

Wouldn’t it be cool if my dad started a chain reaction of saving peoples lives. He was too humbled to think he could do that, but I know, he was that special that he could. 

My Marigold: the opportunity  to live, to love, to fight for my health, and to hopefully save someone else. But most importantly, to have been blessed with a dad who will always save me.

Hey, by the way….thanks for listening.